Throwback Thursday

Ooh, so there's not been an awful lot of anything (except painting) going on here lately. I've been having problems with my wrists and had to take a break from knitting. Feeling much better after a week off but still a little unsure about what the problem was as it felt as though my upper back/neck/shoulders were the problem which then affected my arms. Should have been to see the physio really, that always helps. Fingers crossed though that it'll stay gone whatever the problem was.

Here's a Throwback Thursday in any case (till I have some nice things to show).

So, this was all the way back in 2010! The pattern is Manu by Kate Davies and the (beautiful) cardigan has been sat half unravelled in my knitting basket for a couple of years now. I really should finish unravelling it and put the yarn to good use.
Its an odd sort of cardigan/yarn story really and probably a massive overshare or as they say on Mumsnet, TMI (too much information!). Basically not long after I'd finished knitting this cardigan, I wore it on an unintentional night out. It was the association of what I was wearing that night with what happened that meant I couldn't wear the cardigan any more because it reminded me of everything and made me feel so ashamed. Oh, and before you imagine lots of horrendous things, it was a self-inflicted alcohol horror night. Back in 2009-10 I used to drink most days and it was my number one favourite thing in the entire world, I was getting quite over fond of it at the time of the incident, and a bit weirdly sneaky, just doing things like getting another drink quietly while Rich was out of the room, having a secret pointless one before bed. I'd also had a few events where I'd go absolutely bananas & flip out and behave very oddly (like trying to climb out of the upstairs window with a 10 foot drop below me), I only remembered snippets of these events, they were very disturbing both for myself and for those around me.
And before you think 'just stop drinking when you've had enough', I would have loved to do that, but the thought would literally never even cross my mind. It was extremely odd and very annoying (the genuine lack of control over myself). I used to feel so sad every morning and wish I could have the willpower not to drink so I could wake up without a hangover!
On cardigan night I (accidentally - because I never once thought I should have a coke/go home/stop drinking) ended up completely legless, vomitarama, ambulance called (this was the final nail in my booze coffin the morning after - I have never in my life felt so ashamed of myself), apparently I threw a punch at some poor girl who was trying to help me as well. Through all this my friend Little Rach stayed by my side and helped get me home. Heaven only knows why but she remained my friend after 'Fright Night', her forgiveness when I phoned to apologise the afternoon after that night was truly humbling. (Thanks Rach, and Kate and Rich - my guardians the other times I had a major alcohol-related black-out/flip-out event).

I swore the morning after that I would never touch booze again (oddly/luckily I'm actually frightened of it now) and have been 5 years sober as of a couple of weeks ago. I really should do something with that yarn...


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